Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
One of these days
I realize it's been over a month since I actually posted something with words.
Believe me there's no shortage of funny kid material that I could write about, like how the kids apparently have a "free wedgie" system to keep one another from tattling, or maybe how excited Jack was to wear his "nut cup" for his first little league game.
I could go on and on about what a perfect baby Will is. He's absolutely amazing!
I already can't imagine our family without him. He's such a happy and silly little guy! He loves to have all the kids around doting on him! He smiles, giggles, laughs, and makes the cutest face when he scrunches up his nose...He's cruising around furniture and stands for a short time on his own! He's a dream.
I actually did start quite a few posts. Mostly about Will and how wonderful it feels to have a baby in the house again.
Now that I've seen first hand just how fast they go from being my cuddly little babies to big kids with minds of their own, I'm trying to really take in and enjoy all of the little sweet things that come with having a baby around. Like staring into those big brown eyes while I'm giving him a bottle. Listening to the endless squeals of joy that come from just saying "peek!" And most of all the sweaty sleeping head against my chest...that's my favorite.
I've tried to write several posts about family. From Will meeting all of our extended family, to tough conversations I've had recently with Emma about her Ethiopian family...
but I can't ever find the time to sit and finish them... and when I do have time, I'm so exhausted I can't seem to make sense of anything that's going through my head.
This is the adjustment period that I worried about. We've been here before, and I know we'll get through it. But it's exhausting.
It's survival mode. The one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time, mode.
Right now, it feels a bit like five is the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. Me being the camel I guess. Except I don't think camels get tired and I'm not sure they like bud light.
Ugh really, I'm not trying to complain. I think that's another reason I haven't been able to finish a post, I don't want to be a whiner. Oh, poor me, with my five healthy kids, great husband, nice house. My life is so hard.
I know what an amazing life I have.
It's just, this shit is really tough!
For me, the baby stuff isn't a problem. Getting peed on, puked on, food spat at, gross diapers, not a big deal. I can do just about any household chore one handed (holding the babe in the other). Make dinner, do dishes, change loads of laundry, even shower (a little tricky cuz those buggers are slippery)! Getting used to always having a stocked diaper bag on hand again took a bit, but I think I have it down now.
What's getting me, besides my disgusting house that I can't find time to clean is...
I'm spreading myself too thin with the other kids.
I don't get one on one time with any of them.
I'm short with them. patience is hard to find these days.
I constantly feel guilty that I'm not giving them enough. Doing enough for them or with them.
I feel like I'm constantly saying, "no not right now" or "you need to quiet down".
When I was tucking Sam into bed the other night, he told me he missed me. We had been home, together all afternoon, but he missed me.
That hurt.
It's been really hard to maintain the incredible connection I've always had with each of the kids. I've never felt like it was something I had to think about, or really work at, it was just there. But lately it feels off. Especially with Caroline. I feel like I'm always disappointing her. I've gotten more eye rolls
and sad sighs, in the past few weeks than I care to count.
I'm forgetting so many important details of our days. Seriously, if it wasn't for my wonderful friend Jodie, who keeps saving my arse, I think I'd be in the loony bin by now! Like the Monday morning at 7:20 when Jud was out of town and I happened to glance at the calender to see that Will had and appointment at Children's hospital, (across town) at 8:00 that I totally forgot about!!!
I've started a thousand posts about Jodie.
all she said, "Don't worry, just drop them off, I'll have breakfast ready and then I'll get them all to school." As I was pulling out of her driveway, she ran out to hand me a "to-go" cup of coffee...because she knows that I don't know how to use our coffee maker and Jud was gone.
I cried. all the way to the appointment.
I do that a lot. Not sad. Not happy. Just overwhelmed. Emotional.
I guess I have a lot of posts to work on! One of these days!
Believe me there's no shortage of funny kid material that I could write about, like how the kids apparently have a "free wedgie" system to keep one another from tattling, or maybe how excited Jack was to wear his "nut cup" for his first little league game.
I could go on and on about what a perfect baby Will is. He's absolutely amazing!
I already can't imagine our family without him. He's such a happy and silly little guy! He loves to have all the kids around doting on him! He smiles, giggles, laughs, and makes the cutest face when he scrunches up his nose...He's cruising around furniture and stands for a short time on his own! He's a dream.
I actually did start quite a few posts. Mostly about Will and how wonderful it feels to have a baby in the house again.
Now that I've seen first hand just how fast they go from being my cuddly little babies to big kids with minds of their own, I'm trying to really take in and enjoy all of the little sweet things that come with having a baby around. Like staring into those big brown eyes while I'm giving him a bottle. Listening to the endless squeals of joy that come from just saying "peek!" And most of all the sweaty sleeping head against my chest...that's my favorite.
I've tried to write several posts about family. From Will meeting all of our extended family, to tough conversations I've had recently with Emma about her Ethiopian family...
but I can't ever find the time to sit and finish them... and when I do have time, I'm so exhausted I can't seem to make sense of anything that's going through my head.
This is the adjustment period that I worried about. We've been here before, and I know we'll get through it. But it's exhausting.
It's survival mode. The one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time, mode.
Right now, it feels a bit like five is the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. Me being the camel I guess. Except I don't think camels get tired and I'm not sure they like bud light.
Ugh really, I'm not trying to complain. I think that's another reason I haven't been able to finish a post, I don't want to be a whiner. Oh, poor me, with my five healthy kids, great husband, nice house. My life is so hard.
I know what an amazing life I have.
It's just, this shit is really tough!
For me, the baby stuff isn't a problem. Getting peed on, puked on, food spat at, gross diapers, not a big deal. I can do just about any household chore one handed (holding the babe in the other). Make dinner, do dishes, change loads of laundry, even shower (a little tricky cuz those buggers are slippery)! Getting used to always having a stocked diaper bag on hand again took a bit, but I think I have it down now.
What's getting me, besides my disgusting house that I can't find time to clean is...
I'm spreading myself too thin with the other kids.
I don't get one on one time with any of them.
I'm short with them. patience is hard to find these days.
I constantly feel guilty that I'm not giving them enough. Doing enough for them or with them.
I feel like I'm constantly saying, "no not right now" or "you need to quiet down".
When I was tucking Sam into bed the other night, he told me he missed me. We had been home, together all afternoon, but he missed me.
That hurt.
It's been really hard to maintain the incredible connection I've always had with each of the kids. I've never felt like it was something I had to think about, or really work at, it was just there. But lately it feels off. Especially with Caroline. I feel like I'm always disappointing her. I've gotten more eye rolls
and sad sighs, in the past few weeks than I care to count.
I'm forgetting so many important details of our days. Seriously, if it wasn't for my wonderful friend Jodie, who keeps saving my arse, I think I'd be in the loony bin by now! Like the Monday morning at 7:20 when Jud was out of town and I happened to glance at the calender to see that Will had and appointment at Children's hospital, (across town) at 8:00 that I totally forgot about!!!
I've started a thousand posts about Jodie.
all she said, "Don't worry, just drop them off, I'll have breakfast ready and then I'll get them all to school." As I was pulling out of her driveway, she ran out to hand me a "to-go" cup of coffee...because she knows that I don't know how to use our coffee maker and Jud was gone.
I cried. all the way to the appointment.
I do that a lot. Not sad. Not happy. Just overwhelmed. Emotional.
I guess I have a lot of posts to work on! One of these days!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Typical Tuesday
When Julie did this last year, I loved the idea. But never got around to doing it. Now she just did it again and well, I guess I just want to fit in! That and I'm very curious about where all the hours in the day go, and why it seems like even though I feel like I never stop moving, I never seem to get anything done!
So here is a typical-or somewhat typical day in my life.
At 4:30am the mobile in Will's room starting playing. Not typical.
Jud ran in and found a very awake, very happy little boy standing up in his crib.
I brought him downstairs with the hope that Jud, and Emma (who was woken up by the mobile) could go back to sleep...
about 5-ish
6:00am Jud and Emma came downstairs. Jud made coffee.
Then he proceeded to make lunches! While I took a shower!!!! Again, not exactly typical. But much appreciated!
7:00am The rest of the kids get up. Caroline decides this is a perfect time to plant a tree!
Then breakfast...muffins fresh out of the oven. (that would be Jud!)
8:00 am Since Jud is going to be out of town for a few days, he decides to leave for work a little later today! He brings Caroline, Jack and Sam to school so Emma and I share a bagel while Will sleeps. Then it's on to fight the continuous battle which I will never win... I begin collecting laundry...
9ish Emma helps me wake up Will and get him dressed, because it's time for her to go to school.
10:00 am Breakfast and a show. Will finally gets some food
and then the two of us watched the video of our first meeting in Ethiopia.
He fell asleep. I cried.
11:00 Quickly switch loads, then wake the sleeping baby because it's time to pick up Sam and Emma from school.
12:00 Sam and Emma play outside.
Will and I play inside.
1:00 After coming upstairs from switching laundry, I see this.
I feel envious.
2:00 Will is sleeping. Sam, Emma and I play dinosaurs.
3:00 Again, wake the sleeping baby because it is time to pick up Caroline and Jack from school. As soon as we get home Caroline finishes her project from this morning.
4:00 After dropping Caroline off for Hebrew class I start dinner while Jack does his homework.
I know, really fancy! Like I said, Jud was out of town and as most of you know, he is the cook. Manwich will have to do!
5:00 Explain to the baby that we are going to get in the car AGAIN because we have to take Jack to baseball practice.
6:00 Pick up Caroline from Hebrew, I took a picture with my phone, but I can't figure out how to send the picture-reminds me, one of these days when I'm just sitting around, I've got to figure out that damn phone!
7:00 We talk about everyone's day over popsicles. Then bedtime for Sam and Emma.
8:00 Caroline, Jack and I enjoy some cuddle time while we watching Disney channel...Will is out.
9:00 Will performs some soothing music for me.
10:00 One last bottle.
11:00 I'm ready for sleep, unfortunately my bed looks like this
12:00 Just as I reach REM, Emma starts screaming. I spend the next 45 minutes sitting in the bathroom with her...working stuff out.
1:00 Asleep. With a sweet sweaty little someones arms wrapped tightly wrapped around my neck.
It is exhausting. But I love my life.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
3 weeks
Well, we've been home for just over three weeks...
I actually just had to double check that with Jud, because it honestly feels like Will has always been here, a part of our family. If not always then surely at least a month! But he assured me that yes, it has only been three weeks!
amazing. mind boggling really.
Over the past three weeks, I have completely fallen head over heals for this little guy!
The only way to describe his disposition is incredibly happy. He is always smiling, laughing, cooing...he loves to copy sounds that we make, I've been working on ma ma ma of course, Jud on the other hand thinks his first word should be shankapotomus...neither of us are making much progress though, Will seems to prefer growling and various spitting noises.
As far as adjustment goes, I don't think things could be going any better. He seems to be very attached to us, likes us to always be close and for the most part is easily comforted when he's upset...I say for the most part because there is one time that he not only cries, but full out screams- in the car seat! He hates it! And other than getting him out of the seat, there is nothing we can do to comfort him...makes for some fun rides with lots of stops:)
Health wise, he's doing great. We've seen our regular pediatrician as well as a group of specialists from the international adoption clinic. So far he's had a double ear infection and a sinus infection, but has been smiling his way right through it! In terms of size, he is a little peanut but he's on the charts! Just barely but we'll take it!
He sits up, crawls and pulls himself up on furniture...It's funny to watch him cruising along because he looks like a tiny little baby, but he's almost walking!
The kids absolutely adore him.
The only problem is they fight over who gets to hold him, or feed him, or push the stroller...
I guess I can't complain about that!
One thing I can, and have been complaining about, is the itchy little bastards that hitched a ride home from Ethiopia on Jud and I!!! Many sleepless nights and 10 gazzillion loads of laundry later, all I can say is good riddance!
And, by the way, having five kids is exhausting! So that's all I've got for tonight, the little one is rubbing his eyes so I'm hoping that sleep is in my near future!
I actually just had to double check that with Jud, because it honestly feels like Will has always been here, a part of our family. If not always then surely at least a month! But he assured me that yes, it has only been three weeks!
amazing. mind boggling really.
Over the past three weeks, I have completely fallen head over heals for this little guy!
The only way to describe his disposition is incredibly happy. He is always smiling, laughing, cooing...he loves to copy sounds that we make, I've been working on ma ma ma of course, Jud on the other hand thinks his first word should be shankapotomus...neither of us are making much progress though, Will seems to prefer growling and various spitting noises.
As far as adjustment goes, I don't think things could be going any better. He seems to be very attached to us, likes us to always be close and for the most part is easily comforted when he's upset...I say for the most part because there is one time that he not only cries, but full out screams- in the car seat! He hates it! And other than getting him out of the seat, there is nothing we can do to comfort him...makes for some fun rides with lots of stops:)
Health wise, he's doing great. We've seen our regular pediatrician as well as a group of specialists from the international adoption clinic. So far he's had a double ear infection and a sinus infection, but has been smiling his way right through it! In terms of size, he is a little peanut but he's on the charts! Just barely but we'll take it!
He sits up, crawls and pulls himself up on furniture...It's funny to watch him cruising along because he looks like a tiny little baby, but he's almost walking!
The kids absolutely adore him.
The only problem is they fight over who gets to hold him, or feed him, or push the stroller...
I guess I can't complain about that!
One thing I can, and have been complaining about, is the itchy little bastards that hitched a ride home from Ethiopia on Jud and I!!! Many sleepless nights and 10 gazzillion loads of laundry later, all I can say is good riddance!
And, by the way, having five kids is exhausting! So that's all I've got for tonight, the little one is rubbing his eyes so I'm hoping that sleep is in my near future!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Breakfast with the Bunny
Emma love love LOVES bunnies, especially ones of the Easter variety!
When the boys stepped up to the table to start dying their eggs, the woman said, "oh be careful, we don't want you to spill on your coats!" And Jack said, "oh no, that's ok, we don't mind."
Caroline is getting SO old! It makes my heart hurt a little.
and then this liitle guy makes me smile!
such goofballs!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Reflections
(written by the other half)
I read "The Blind Side" not long ago. I was disturbed by the portrait of life for kids growing up in inner city Memphis. I was worried about whether these kids truly had a chance with such poor schools and such poor living conditions. By chance the movie version was one of the in-flight movies on the way over. I felt the same things watching the movie.
It may sound cliche, but seeing the pure poverty in Ethiopia brought home the difference. It's not to say that there aren't people in need of help here in the United States, but it is of a different degree.
We've been home a week. Details are already beginning to fade. Work has begun again. Jess is busier than ever keeping an already happy and perfect home even happier. Will is settling in faster than either of us could have imagined.
I've been quick to jump back in and leave behind the things we saw and felt while we were in Ethiopia.
Some things however, will never fade.
The look on the faces of the 4-6 year old boys at the care center as they asked / begged / cajoled to be lifted in the air. They are fighting and pushing to be lifted up in the air for a split second, to be seen, to be held.
The children near the CHS school in Hosanna. Over 200 k4-4th grade children go to school there. They come from up to 3 miles away. Some were shy, some were bold. When I took their pictures, they were all so excited to see their own faces in the screen on the camera. Was it the first time they'd seen a picture of themselves?
The people on the street in Addis. The Markado, the largest outdoor marketplace in Africa.
I asked a lot of questions while we were there. Ethiopia is a country of 80,000,000 people. Much of it is rural, but Addis Ababa is a city of 4,500,000. The per capita income is $90/year. Using the World Bank's PPP formula (Purchasing Power Parity - Showing how far the money goes) it is $710 per year. For comparison purposes, Haiti's is $1,630/year and Guatamala is $4,060/year.
According to our host in country, an educated person (his example was a doctor or lawyer) might make 2,000-3,000 Birr/month. The current exchange rate is 13/1, which means that they would earn $200-$300 per month. According to Merlin there are only 1,963 doctors in Ethiopia, and the ratio of doctors to patients is 1:37,500. The ratio in the UK is 1:434.
In Ethiopia in the year 2010, the basic building blocks either aren't there or aren't available to a great portion of the population; Healthcare, clean water, education, electricity. . . . . .
I left with a sense of the enormity of the problem. We both kept talking about how easily we could make a significant difference in one person's life. A few hundred dollars would literally change the future for a family. However that's not sustainable change. The bigger question is: In the 21st century, in a country with 25% of the population of the US and with very little true infrastructure, how can you make systemic change?
I read "The Blind Side" not long ago. I was disturbed by the portrait of life for kids growing up in inner city Memphis. I was worried about whether these kids truly had a chance with such poor schools and such poor living conditions. By chance the movie version was one of the in-flight movies on the way over. I felt the same things watching the movie.
It may sound cliche, but seeing the pure poverty in Ethiopia brought home the difference. It's not to say that there aren't people in need of help here in the United States, but it is of a different degree.
We've been home a week. Details are already beginning to fade. Work has begun again. Jess is busier than ever keeping an already happy and perfect home even happier. Will is settling in faster than either of us could have imagined.
I've been quick to jump back in and leave behind the things we saw and felt while we were in Ethiopia.
Some things however, will never fade.
The look on the faces of the 4-6 year old boys at the care center as they asked / begged / cajoled to be lifted in the air. They are fighting and pushing to be lifted up in the air for a split second, to be seen, to be held.
The children near the CHS school in Hosanna. Over 200 k4-4th grade children go to school there. They come from up to 3 miles away. Some were shy, some were bold. When I took their pictures, they were all so excited to see their own faces in the screen on the camera. Was it the first time they'd seen a picture of themselves?
The people on the street in Addis. The Markado, the largest outdoor marketplace in Africa.
I asked a lot of questions while we were there. Ethiopia is a country of 80,000,000 people. Much of it is rural, but Addis Ababa is a city of 4,500,000. The per capita income is $90/year. Using the World Bank's PPP formula (Purchasing Power Parity - Showing how far the money goes) it is $710 per year. For comparison purposes, Haiti's is $1,630/year and Guatamala is $4,060/year.
According to our host in country, an educated person (his example was a doctor or lawyer) might make 2,000-3,000 Birr/month. The current exchange rate is 13/1, which means that they would earn $200-$300 per month. According to Merlin there are only 1,963 doctors in Ethiopia, and the ratio of doctors to patients is 1:37,500. The ratio in the UK is 1:434.
In Ethiopia in the year 2010, the basic building blocks either aren't there or aren't available to a great portion of the population; Healthcare, clean water, education, electricity. . . . . .
I left with a sense of the enormity of the problem. We both kept talking about how easily we could make a significant difference in one person's life. A few hundred dollars would literally change the future for a family. However that's not sustainable change. The bigger question is: In the 21st century, in a country with 25% of the population of the US and with very little true infrastructure, how can you make systemic change?
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