Wordless Wednesday

a looooong weekend!

The kids were off of school Thursday and Friday... My wonderful pal Jodie had the great idea to take all the kids to a water park! Only catch was, the dads would have to join us later... Thursday night after work, and since Jud was in a Seminar all week he would have to meet us Friday morning.

I'll admit, at first the thought of taking all four kids to a water park/hotel for the night without Jud's help totally freaked me out.

But then I remembered, I have awesome kids!

And, we were going with Jodie and her awesome kids. Who my kids love and adore!!! So I figured we'd be safe...and one of Jodie's awesome friends and her 3 adorable daughters were in on this venture too, so we went for it!

Since the dads were joining us later we (moms and kids) carpooled on the way down to the water park just after lunch, which was another one of Jodie's brilliant ideas, because it made check in very easy...taking turns checking in and watching kids in minivans!

So let me break it down a little for you...

3 moms

10 kids. 10 very active, very excited kids.


Here we are trying to make our way to our rooms!




















It was a blast! I think it was just what we all needed after being cooped up so much over the past few weeks. All the kids got along swimmingly:) Not many pictures...it's a little hard to take pictures while trying to keep track of so many soaking wet kids- who knew?






















Funny quote from the trip...

Emma, in the car on the way down, "well, I don't care who started it!"

yup pretty much sums up all of our car rides!


Then yesterday, we went to Jodie's for their block party and trick or treating, it was a great day and the kids looked awesome in their costumes, although I forgot to bring my camera. Doh!

We've had their costumes for a few weeks, but for some reason on the morning of Halloween Jack decided he wanted to MAKE a different, more creative costume! So a few boxes, and a quick trip to the grocery store for 4 rolls of tin foil later he had a very cute and very original robot costume! I only wish he had this idea a few weeks ago before I bought the $40 Luke Skywalker costume! Oh well that's what we get for having creative kids I guess!

I may only be one. But I am one of many.

This is a video that This mommamade...






Seriously, if your anything like me, you see those faces and you feel compelled to do something. But you feel like it's a daunting task, you are only one, how can one make a difference? The thing is, we are one of many. Together we can make a big impact, and now is the perfect time to try. Doctors Without Borders currently has a matching program that will DOUBLE any donation! Just CLICK HERE to find out how. Believe me, I know it's been a tough year, but when your $10 donation can suddenly become a $20 one, how can you not? This is how we can make a difference!

Court date!

I just received notice that we have a tentative court date!

November 29th !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After/if we pass there are still a few steps but we're getting closer!

So exciting!!!!



Since I've already used words on this Wednesday...I want to tell about some great moms doing incredible work! Like THIS one, and THIS one, and THIS one..

Really go check them out! And give with cause!

Wordless Wednesday

Falling off the blogsphere?

I just don't know.

I don't know what to write, I don't know how to get the things inside my head to make any sense at all. In the past writing about what I was feeling, reading about what other people were feeling, seemed to help.made it all make sense. but I just don't know.

I seem to be up and down. physically and emotionally. from one minute to the next things seem to change drastically.

The flu has definitely taken a toll on us. I have taken more trips to the pediatrician's office than I care to admit. Just as one gets better, another starts with a sore throat, or an ear ache, or a fever, or a sinus infection...and on and on it goes...it's exhausting!

But we're getting through it.

With lots of cuddles, movies, fluids and antibiotics!

I know that part of what is making it so much harder is that every time I check one of the kids for a fever, or get up with one of them in the night, I wonder how he is doing. I wonder where he is. Is he sick? Does he have a cold? a fever? Is someone there when he wakes up in the night crying?

Not knowing much is really tough.

I try to think forward to the day when he's home rather than wonder how many days it will be before we can hold him.

But it's hard.

I've started preparing for him. Nesting. Caroline and I set up the crib and Emma helped me make room for his things in her closet.

Yes, I realize it will be months before he's home but I needed to see his things out around the house. A happy reminder that it's really happening...It's been fun. Exciting to think about the future. Our future.

One true bummer though was realizing that we're not as prepared as I thought we'd be. As I had planned we'd be.

You see, I am very organized about the kids clothes. And by organized I mean borderline psychotic! Not only are their closets organized by color, but the system of bins in the basement-organized by size then season, it's something that sadly I take great pride in. Psychotic I tell ya! But with lots of kids, and lots of hand-me downs coming from cousins it really helps to have a system. Yes, I know I'm a dork! But a well organized dork! If I have a friend that is looking for 3t girls jeans, I can find them in 2 seconds! Girls 18 month swimsuit? In the pink bin labeled girls 12-18 month summer of course!

So imagine my surprise when I went to the basement to retrieve some onzies from the baby boy 3-6 month blue bin, just to spice up the chore of laundry one day, to find no baby boy bin! not 3-6. not 6-9. not 6-12.

This has turned into one huge headache!

The bottom line is, I lent all of my baby boy clothes, everything I had up to 12 months, to someone. Someone I didn't know all that well but, who I knew really needed them. Well, apparently she no longer has any of them. It's been frustrating! Not just because of the clothes themselves, although it would have been fun to see the little peanut in some of Jack and Sam's old stuff, but what's more upsetting is the attitude and ungratefulness that this woman is showing. I feel like I've totally been taken advantage of! And it's not a good feeling.

Jud keeps telling me, it's ok. We can buy new stuff. But that's not it. It's not about the clothes! I'm pissed off and I don't know how to just let it go. Right now I feel like I'm wasting my time and energy being upset about something that just isn't worth getting worked up about. So I've started wondering, if this isn't about the clothes, and I know we'll be just fine and prepared for the peanut, is my obsession about this clothes situation just a way for me to avoid thinking about all of the tough adoption related questions, all of the unknowns?

Probably.

Wordless Wednesday

Now what?

Well it's been just over two weeks since we got THE call.

Two weeks.

Two weeks since saw our first glimpse of our son's sweet face.

sigh.

He's such a little peanut.

We're not allowed to post his photo until we pass court and he is officially our son. But honestly, I don't think I'll be comfortable sharing his beautiful photos until I am able to hold him in my arms. Hug him. squeeze him. smell him.


So what happens now?

Well, we wait.

We wait to be assigned a court date. We should hear something later this week or next. I'm trying to stay hopeful that we will have a November court date, but I don't know if that's at all likely....Then if/when our case passes through court then we wait again to be assigned to a travel group. Then we travel to bring our son home!

When I asked my worker about what kind of timeline we were looking at, she said for sure not before the end of the year...so I'm HOPING it's January...We'll have to wait and see...blech!

Before I forget

I've got lots to catch up on, but we have our second fingerprint appointment early tomorrow so I am heading off to bed soon. But before I forget, I wanted to share a quick Sam funny!

This morning was quite crazy.

So when I picked Sam up from school at 11:00 rather than sit and wait outside for half an hour for Emma, I had an idea.

Me, "Sam, how about while we are waiting for Emma, we quick run to McDonald's grab lunch, then come back to pick up Em and then head home?"

Sam, "I like the way you're thinking!"

I started laughing and said, "Sam, you crack me up!"

He smiled and said, "Yeah, sometimes I crack myself up!"


oh I love that kid:)

Wordless Wednesday

THE call!

I know many of you are waiting for the details!



So, Friday started like all other days. Get everyone up-dressed-fed-make lunches-out the door by 7:50.

After everyone was safely in school, I had just enough time to run home clean up the breakfast disaster that was left in my kitchen and run a couple errands. Then I was back to pick up Sam at 11:10 and Emma at 11:40

We headed home with a few new movies and my list of things to accomplish before we headed back to pick up Caroline and Jack at 3:00. Jud was in a golf tournament that day, we had a babysitter planned for later that night so I could join him for dinner.

Sam and Emma were eating lunch, talking silly...I was standing in the kitchen eating my lunch, going over my list of things I was hoping to get done in the next 3 hours, when the phone rang.

I immediately recognized the number.

I stood there. holding the phone. ringing.

Thinking, answer it! answer it stupid this is it!

I started to panic, started choking on my salad--ok who I am I kidding it was a big mac--but still I started choking!

So even though I'm coughing I finally answer the phone, because I'm afraid by now it's been ringing so long they're bound to hang up!

I manage to barely get out a, "hello?"

then it gets a little a fuzzy.

It was my worker, who I've stalked--I mean talked to many times over the past few months. I don't remember what she said at first, but I remember her tone was much different...she seemed happy, I knew she was smiling, she had news!

I remember her saying, "so Jessica, I know you are open to a child up to 3"...my legs started to get a little shaky so I sat down on the kitchen floor..."what would you think about a 6 week old baby boy?"

I'm pretty sure all I could get out was "okay?"

She asked if I wanted her to read the information to me over the phone or if she should email it to me...at this point I was walking circles through the kitchen and living room, trying to keep from crying. I asked her to start reading it to me but send it too because there was no way I was going to remember a word of what she was saying...she started to read...I started to cry.

Suddenly, I thought, --holy shit! Jud!-- I shouldn't be hearing this without him!-- I started texting him-- remember he's golfing today?!

after all of the conversations we've had about---I know you have a meeting, but please leave your phone on---I promise I won't call unless it's important---we decided that texting would be a surefire way to get a hold of him no matter what! So we had a code, "champagne at our hose now" of course!

-he didn't reply!
-I kept resending. he didn't reply.

I sent him probably 8 texts before I finally realized, -he either has his phone off or it's in his golf bag...either of which does not make me happy at this point!


We ended the conversation with me on the kitchen floor,crying, and her saying something about some glitch so she didn't have the information in email format or something, so it would take a few minutes but she would get it to me shortly...

and then we hung up.

I sat for about 5 minutes. in quiet. my house is never quiet. it felt strange.

Then. again. I thought "Jud!"

I ended up calling the golf shop where he was playing, talking to the pro, making I'm sure absolutely no sense, telling him that someone needed to find Jud, somewhere out on the course and tell him "champagne at our hose", now if that doesn't scream crazy wife on the line I don't know what does!

I sat there for what seemed like forever, waiting for the email. waiting for Jud to call. I called Rebekah, because I didn't know what else to do. She calmed me down. briefly. then I started to pace around the house again. staring at my inbox with the phone tightly in my hands.

Finally the email came. Just as I started to read it, Jud called. I read it to him. I cried some more. I'm pretty sure he did too. I realized that he is actually 8 weeks old, I don't know why I thought she said 6 weeks... Then I scrolled down, and saw his face. My heart stopped. I started to cry a big old ugly cry! He's absolutely gorgeous! After staring at his picture for a few minutes, I suddenly felt this warm, settling, almost calming feeling come over every inch of my body, and I thought, yes. that's him. that's our son.

our son.

sigh.

Wordless Wednesday

another hmmmm....

does anyone remember THIS post?

Turns out, she was right!!!!!

Tribute to a survivor

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my sister Karin. I don't think I've written about her much on this blog...probably in part because I don't think she really reads it, and partly because I know she is a much more private person than I am and I didn't know how she would like me writing about her...But for this particular post I checked with her and she said it would be ok.

She is on my mind...

Now more than ever.


With the reminder that this month is Breast Cancer Awareness month, I've been thinking back a few years, remembering just how strong and courageous Karin really is. Something I don't think she gives herself enough credit for.

So I wanted to write about her, about what she's taught me, and let her know just how grateful I am to have her as my sister and my friend. And how much I still look up to her.
















Karin is only a few years older than I am. She was only 31 (the age that I am now) when she was diagnosed with Ductal carcinoma in situ...

I remember that day. Like it was yesterday. A memory forever ingrained in my heart.

I was at her house with her two small kids. I remember pushing the kids on the swings in her back yard, the very backyard where we used to play as kids, thinking everything was going to be fine. The biopsy would prove that it was just a cyst not cancer, she was only 31 for heaven's sake! We don't have a history of breast cancer in our family. Everything was going to be fine.

But the moment she pulled in the driveway, my heart sank. She got out of the car and I knew. Everything was not fine.

The months that followed, were awful. There was lots of testing. Followed by lots of bad news. Karin's cancer was very aggressive. There were concerns that it had already started to spread into her lymph nodes, so her treatment had to be even more aggressive. She had to undergo chemo and radiation along with several very invasive surgeries.

During those months, my sisters and I all became closer than ever. We were all talking to each other several times a day. But instead of talking about kids, or jobs, or borrowing an outfit, like sisters should have been talking about, our conversations became cancer, estrogen and progesterone receptor positive, the effects of chemo and radiation... I remember night after night Kristin and I would be on the phone comparing things we'd read...I remember calling Jean to see how Karin was REALLY doing. inside. Because she, herself, would never let on that things weren't ok.


That's Karin.

She's strong. Incredibly, insanely, inspiringly STRONG.


















While I was sitting at home worrying, obsessing, crying, doubting, feeling helpless, hopeless, Karin was busy moving on with life. Trying to keep things as normal as possible for the sake of her kids.

The days when I would worry myself into a paralyzing migraine, she kept right on going. She got out of bed each day, got her kids dressed, fed and off to school. On the weeks that she didn't have chemo, she went to work! She wasn't going to let cancer stand in the way of her living life each day. one day at a time. Karin has handled every thing that life has thrown at her with great strength and determination. each day is a gift. there are no guaranties.


Part of the difficulty for me in those months, was remembering one of my dear friend's mom. Watching her go through the same things that I was now watching my sister go through. Surgeries, chemo, radiation, the loss of her hair. When we were in high school, my friend's mom lost her battle with cancer...

That terrified me every day.

Karin has now been cancer free for four years.

Because of the research that is being done.

Because of the Dr's and the treatments that have come so far in just the past ten years.


I am so thankful.


Because it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I challenge each and every one of you to do something. Be a part in the search for a cure!



Susan G. Komen for the Cure

American Cancer Society


and if you can't donate, then run/walk or just be there for someone who needs a shoulder. We all know someone who has been effected by this disease, let's honor them, their fight, by doing something.




This song Dream Big has sort of become Karin's theme song! It still makes me cry every time I hear it.

MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Wordless Wednesday

fun with friends! (and Bubbie!)

We had such a great weekend!

We were lucky enough to have Bubbie come for a little visit! We kept her moving the whole time! These kids sure love their Bubbie, and the time they get to spend with her! I'm quite certain she was exhausted by the time she left! Nice relaxing weekend eh Bubbie?!!


Friday night was a nice quiet, well as quiet as our house gets, Shabbot dinner...and we read lots of new books that Bubbie brought.

Saturday, Jud was golfing in the morning so Bubbie and I met my fabulous friend Jodie (aka Tommy and Allison's Mom!) and two of her incredible kids at the urban Ecology Center for a little picnic and lots of laughs!

Here's a peek at the craziness that ensues when we get all these kids together! It was like a cheese race, minus the cheese!







Bubbie said afterwards that she really wanted to run down the hill with them...my cue to encourage crazy un-bubbie like behavior in the future:)

Then we had a really nice, and surprisingly quiet walk!


































Then later in the day, Caroline was off for her first Temple youth group get together! She is definitely enjoying the taste of independence!

While Caroline was out, we had dinner with this ridiculously cute family! Even Bubbie couldn't keep her hands off the cuteness!!!

















Can't blame her really, the boy is almost edible he's so darn cute!


Jud wanted in on the love! (I think the wait is starting to get to him too)

















And the lovely Quinn, after telling me, "you know, you waste a lot of energy in this house" helped the kids build a new contraption. Oh Quinn, how I love you so!



















Today was Yom Kippur so we kept the kids out of school. We had a nice family day at home. The kids rotated playing and lying around, while Jud helped me catch up on all of the stuff I've been falling behind on...you know, laundry, cleaning that sort of thing.

Then we all went to services this afternoon.

I wish Bubbie could have stayed so she could have gone to Temple with us today because I'm sure seeing Jack "choking" in his tie because he couldn't breathe, would have brought back great memories of Jud as a child! Some things never change!

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

Follow up

What Jud wrote about in the last post is exactly what the two of us have been discussing lately. There is still so much to be said, and questions I have for you fellow bloggers about how to handle certain situations, so while it's out there I felt like we should delve into it a little deeper.


Like I said, these are things that Jud and I have been going over and over. The same thoughts that have been going through my head repeatedly for the past four years.


So, grab a beverage and get cozy, this may take awhile.



First of all, I know our family stands out. Often times I feel like we draw attention every where we go. Restaurants, grocery stores, even the playground, people notice us. I get that. We're different. And we have four of the most gorgeous kids on the planet, so I forgive people for staring. But it's when the innocent looks turn into stares and the comments start flowing that we are put on guard and usually left feeling uneasy.


Oy the comments!

Sometimes they're totally innocent, just curious. Sometimes maybe inquisitive because they themselves are considering adoption. Other times they're just down right nosey and inappropriate.

Many have a tendency to ruffle both of our feathers...so we're trying to figure out why, and just what to do about it.

First, before I go any further I just want to say that I think, no, I feel that adoption is an amazing and profound experience. It has changed my life forever. Not only because it has brought this beautiful light into my life, but because it has opened my eyes to the fact that the world is more than just me, my family, my community, my country. There is so much more. And because of adoption, I feel like I am a part of that something more.

Looking back to when we started the process to adopt the first time, I can see that I myself was quite naive to how the whole scenario of inter-racial, international adoption, would play out. I simply thought that, we wanted more children. There were children who needed families. We would embrace a child into our family as if they were our own.

Too simple.

I know that now.

There is so much more to it than that.



Because of this, because of my feeling for adoption, because of all that I've learned along the way, I would be more than happy to talk any one's ear off about adoption, about the process, heck I'll even talk about the cost if they want, but and it's a big but, not in front of my kids!

That has to be one of my biggest hot buttons.


So, getting back to the comments. What's appropriate, what's not, and just what do we do about it?

Here is a sampler of the comments and how I typically respond. Please share how you would respond or any thoughts in the comments. Really. I'm curious how other families handle these things. I know we are not alone in this!



Just a few of the things that Emma has heard strangers say. Many times.




"they're all yours?" (while staring, sometimes even pointing at Emma)

-Yes, Emma is well aware of the fact that she did not grow in my tummy, that is a fact that we could not nor ever would want to try to hide. But to have it constantly thrown in her face, usually with a judgmental tone, at 4 years old is just not right. I simply say "yes." and try to corral the kids into moving in the opposite direction of the commenter...doesn't often work, there are usually follow up questions. All I really want to say is "please just stop." But I don't. I stand there getting ticked at myself for getting cornered. Again.






"That's your daughter? Where did she come from?"

-I'm always surprised by this one, pretty ballsy don't you think? But even though I think it's rather rude, and intrusive, I still always answer, "Yes. Ethiopia."

"but they (looking at the other 3) are all yours?" (implying I gave birth to them I guess) I've actually been so fed up with this one, that I do very firmly say, "they're all mine." When they start to say, "no, I mean.." I quickly say, "I know. They're all mine." I usually feel like a total bitch afterwards. But this one gets me.




Then there are the quite intrusive ones.




"Were you not able to have kids of your own?"

-Which I have to say, if I wasn't, is that something that I would want to discuss with a stranger? But I don't say that.






"Did you think of adopting here, there are so many kids here?"

-This one really annoys me too. What I always want to say is, yes, have you? But again, of course I don't. The fact is, there is nothing simple about adoption. We think, we agonize at every turn about every decision. Those who go into the adoption ring don't do so blindly. There are reasons. We have reasons. We choose the path.





Then there are those well meaning, but just don't sit right ones...I usually try not to respond to these ones simply because I haven't figured out how to yet.




"She's so lucky"

-I know what they mean, because of the life that we are able to give her, but really, what's lucky about being taken from your country, your heritage, from your birth family not because you weren't loved or that you weren't wanted but because they couldn't feed you? In all reality we are the lucky ones. To have been born where we were, to not ever have to worry about feeding our children, to be able to watch all of our children grow and thrive. Yes, we are the lucky ones.






"Oh what a wonderful thing you're doing"

-This one always strikes a chord, and I'm not totally sure why. It is a wonderful thing, and I'm proud of us. I'm proud of our family. But we didn't set out to save a child. That's not what it's about.



I struggle with how to respond to many of these comments because I can see that the person making them just doesn't get it. They don't get the big picture. I find myself wanting to reply to many comments with some snide remark, and I don't because really, I can picture my mom in the grocery store asking some other woman with her children the same sorts of questions. Not trying to be rude or intrusive, just curious. I realize that unless people see and feel the effects of poverty and famine around the world, it's just not something they think about. They don't have a reason to.

So I could get up on my soap box and tell them about all that I've learned about Ethiopia, the people, the culture, the drought, the hunger, the lack of clean water, the disease, about how they could help... but is that right? Really, I'm asking. Should I feel an obligation to be an advocate? Be the voice for those whose voices are not being heard? Can I go on ignoring comments because I just don't want to deal with it? Is it my responsibility to educate people about what is happening around the world? The information is out there isn't it? For whatever reason people choose to turn the other way. Could I get them to get it even if I tried? Would it make any difference?


The thing is, I want to do all these things. I want to be an advocate. I want to be that voice. But in a way that is not making an example of my family. Does that make sense? I don't want to be nice and put on a smile every time I get a rude comment about my family...in front of my children. I don't like feeling like my family is a teaching case.


Adoption did change my life. If Emma weren't in our lives, I wouldn't feel the connection that I do to Ethiopia. I wouldn't think about wanting to make a difference because I feel I owe it to her birth family. Without adoption my eyes would not have been opened. As much as I want to encourage other people to think about the world outside their community, I think I need to find a way to do it while preserving my family's story and keeping certain things private.


Is that possible?

Is there a way to turn the focus of the questions and comments? Or do I have to learn to stear clear of all old ladies in the grocery store?

Have you ever wanted to say. . .

This is a guest post. Again. I tell you this right off for two reasons: First becuse I don't want to confuse anyone and have you think that your usual blogger has lost some of her style, wit, charm, etc. And also because I want to make sure that if you are critical of this post, you know who to direct it at. . . .

I'm sure we all get them: The innocous comment by a friend, family member or neighbor. They range from the ever popular "You are doing such a good thing! (by adopting)" to "How lucky she is that you brought her here from Africa".

They touch on my deepest thoughts and feelings relating to adoption. The incredible mix of love, protectiveness and anxiety I feel about my daughter. The sadness I feel for the poverty in Ethiopia and the sacrifice her birth family made. The happiness I feel as she has grown and settled in to our family. The questions I will have for years about what comes from nature vs. nurture.

I'm just still not sure how to respond to many of these comments. Often I take the easy way out. Smile, nod, make some vacuous comment about how much our daughter has given to our family. How blessed we are by her place in our lives.

I want to say "stop". It's not about "doing a good thing". We all need to wake up and realize that there are children that don't have enough to eat. There are families without water, heat and light in the twenty-first century. We will not solve this one child at a time. I want to tell them to learn about and support AHOPE. To think about the poverty in Africa, South America, Asia. And not to stop thinking about it because it feels 'too big'.

It is big. But it will only get better one person at a time. We need to say 'enough'. We need to talk about it. We need to make this a world where families in poorer countries don't need to make this awful choice.

But how can we on a micro level, make a macro change? I don't know the answer to this, but some of the strongest people in history have begun change with simple acts. And out of simple acts, they have begun to change their worlds.