As I was waiting in this tiny little room while Caroline and Jack had piano lessons... I felt myself relax!
In part because usually I have all the kids with and the task of keeping everyone quiet and entertained in this tiny little room leaves me exhausted and sweaty! However this particular Tuesday Jud was home from work a little early, which meant I could go alone!
So, as I sat and enjoyed my hour of quiet, I noticed the woman sitting across from me. After watching her fidget with her phone, her bracelet, her boots...I noticed, hey! I used to have those boots! I wonder what ever happened to those...Then I suddenly realized, this woman sitting across from me, was me a few years ago.
She was pretty, not gorgeous, but pretty. Her hair was beautiful, her makeup was flawless, her nails were perfect and her jewelry sparkled so much I almost had to squint! Ok so maybe she wasn't exactly me, but there were similarities!
Anyway, it got me thinking about how much motherhood has changed me in the last three years!
Three years ago, I rarely left the house without doing my hair and makeup, even just to go to story time.... these days a hat is just fine! and it's a good day if I get a shower!
My once manicured nails are so pathetic and haven't been painted since Emma wanted me to match her hot pink polish she was wearing one day, the remains are still there...
I have two pieces of jewelry that I wear everyday and they are so filthy that the sparkle is lost.
I used to plan out what everyone was wearing each day, because like a complete whacko I liked everyone to coordinate! That one makes me laugh! Because these days it's a battle just to get Sam to wear pants! (one day he refused so I had to take him to Mayfair Mall in his Captain Hook costume)...
Wherever we went, we all looked nice, and put together. Who did I think was watching us? And even if people were watching, why did I care?
A few weeks ago, I literally looked in the mirror and started laughing! Jud came in and asked what I was laughing at...I said "me! look at me, I'm such a mom! turtleneck, short hair, no makeup, what's happened!"
So, this is the part where I start to relax... That whole phony front, looking like you have everything together, when maybe... just maybe... you don't, I'm over it!
I don't notice people watching us, (although, I do hear their often stupid comments..but that's another story) and I'm not worried about what other people think anymore....
I have started to be more honest with myself about what things really matter, and I have never felt happier and more content with myself and my life. I think for the first time in a long time I really feel like myself...and I'm happy with the person that I'm becoming... afterall, I have a husband who digs the mom look, and four fabulous kids, why should it matter that I haven't showered today!
I guess one day, if we ever find a sitter again, I can wear my boots out for dinner!