Up until last week I was doing pretty well with the wait. I was avoiding watching the "lists" trying not to think or obsess about too much about the WHEN!
But last week, I just couldn't take the not knowing anymore. I broke down and added our names to the unofficial list of waiting families.
Turns out we may in fact be much closer to receiving a referral than I had thought!
All of my avoidance tactics seem to be failing. I've cleaned every inch of this house, I've painted and repainted rooms, I've even organized the basement storage room! I just can't stop thinking about the little one.
Here's where the wait gets tough!
To know that I have another child, that he or she is in Ethiopia right now, it's hard to wrap my brain around the whole thing. There are so many emotions. So many questions. My mind is constantly wandering. I worry constantly about what my child must be going through at this moment. What the Birth Family must be going through...what is happening in their lives for them to have to make this incredible sacrifice? It's heart wrenching.
It's really difficult these days for me to focus on the task at hand, raising these four wonderful kids!
I'm beginning to find comfort in all of the mundain daily chores, doing my best not to be consumed with emotions, but it's not easy! Luckily, Jud is traveling an obscene amount this month, so I have very little time to have a wandering thought;)