Tuesday, February 2, 2010

so many thoughts

Well a lot has been happening in our house...

First Sam's birthday and then 5 days later Caroline's birthday. I brought my computer in for repairs and everything seems to be okay now, so as soon as I have a few minutes I'll get some pictures of Caroline up and give her an actual proper birthday post.

For tonight though, just the usual spewing of random thoughts...

This weekend Caroline had her first official slumber party...She's had sleepovers before but never an actual slumber party. yes, there is a difference, or so I've been told!

I thought everything went pretty well, lots of nail polish, blue eye shadow and hair glitter, can't go wrong with that combination right? Everyone seemed to be having fun, lots of music, giggles, and running through the house...but the next day, when Caroline and I were cleaning up the after shocks of the party, she broke down. Like completely lost it. She was so upset. She felt let down by the party...I think she had such high expectations of what this BIG party was going to be like, and when it didn't all go according to her plan she felt disappointed...I can relate! Even though it sucks to see her sad, it's times like this that we get to have some great chats. Just the two of us. And I'm thankful for those.

I'm also thankful for my amazing sister Kristin, who drove down for the slumber party. Although we weren't allowed to enter the basement where the party was held...They were carding, and well, we are just way too old!

So Kristin and I spent most of the night watching Jack, Sam and Emma play the new wii game that she (and Mel) got for Sam's birthday. Now that's love. She had a free night and decided to drive two hours to eat Jimmy John's, watch kids play wii, and then once the kids were down- listen to her sister babble! Yup, she's just that great!

And about the trip to Ethiopia,

We've been thinking and talking and talking and thinking...and talking to many friends who have travelled and then thinking about what they've had to say, and we have decided that both Jud and I will travel!

I'm still nervous.

But I FEEL like we're making the right decision.

Hopefully as the travel date gets closer my mind will be able to focus on the end result rather than the trip itself!

Day to day I've been focusing more on the once we're home aspect...probably because that feels more within my control. Even though I know, from experience that those first days, weeks, months, feel like anything but controlled.

I've been reading a ton and I know that there are definitely things we can improve on this time around with transitions and bonding-things I wish I had known when Emma first came home. I really look forward to having baby Will home so we can start loving him up.

I'm also a bit nervous still about the day to day with a new baby. I've been talking to several friends who have new babies/children at home. I remember how crazy life gets for awhile. What it's like to not have two minutes to myself. How every time I try to talk on the phone, all hell breaks loose...What it's like to have a baby in the shower with me---that's if I get in the shower at all! I remember how my brain turns to mush, and it's a struggle to accomplish anything around the house---laundry piles up and bathrooms get disgusting. I know how some days, the goal will be just to get through the day. Some days are just about survival! I know we'll get through it, I just worry about balancing life with all of the other kids at the same time! I mean 5 kids! Yowza!

I keep thinking about the time when Sam was a baby. One particular day, I was feeling ambitious. I felt like I was getting the hang of 3 kids, so I got everyone dressed looking cute, put a little bow in Caroline's hair, then got everyone bundled up because it was freezing, packed up the stroller and diaper bag and headed downtown to meet Jud for lunch. I remember driving, sweating, but thinking, alright, that wasn't so bad. I did it! I was feeling all proud of myself, maybe after lunch we'll walk around the mall for awhile, get ice cream...we pulled into the parking garage I took a deep breath and got out of the truck to retrieve the big old double stroller, when I realized I wasn't wearing any shoes! Yup. Huge white fluffy slippers! Nope, no leisurely walk through the mall that day. No ice cream.


Calmil2 said...

Okay, that last story is awesome!!! Truly, I loved it only because I can so relate. I am inspired by your decision to both go. My hubby and I have and are still struggling with this one too. I think we should both go, but I am so scared to leave the boys because of the, "what if something happens to us" way of thinking, but i've decided that is not the way to live...so restricting. So many people go and come back just fine and we will too. I think it will be amazing to be there together, so as long as he can get the time off with his new job, I think we will both go. If you can do it, I can do it :) p.s. when do you leave?

rebekah said...

Hysterical about the slippers - I've done that. I noticed it before I even got in the car but I'd already completed the pain in the ass job of getting the kids and their gear in the car and the car was running and I'd have to take the keys out of the car to unlock the door and then find shoes and put them on.

I am so excited for you guys - so so excited.

Christina said...

lol...I love the slipper story. And I can really relate to knowing more about attachment strategies for the second than the first. What I would love to know, though, is how you survived two kids close together in age. We have really been struggling over here.

hotflawedmama said...

That was a great ending.

I'm happy both of you will be going. What an amazing trip!