Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Time

Well it's been a rough few weeks. To say the least.

As some of you may know, my mom has not been feeling well for some time.

( This is what I wrote about my mom last year...)

They thought it was pnemonia.

It's not.

It's Cancer.

Stage four lung cancer.


I can honestly without a doubt say that this has been
THE WORST WEEK OF MY ENTIRE LIFE.
I feel completely helpless.

There's nothing I can say. Nothing I can do.

I just want to be with her. When I'm sitting in the room with her I just want to climb into that hospital bed with her, just like when I was little and I'd sneak into her room in the middle of the night...But then I remember I'm not a littl girl anymore.

Suddenly, I don't know where the years have gone.

I'm filled with regrets.

I thought we'd have more time.

I don't know how to do this.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jess, I'm so, so sorry to hear this. Your pain is raw and palpable in your writing-- I hope you can find just a bit of peace in the time you are able to spend with her. You and your mom and the rest of our family is in my thoughts. -dave

Jess and Brad said...

Oh I'm so sorry Jess! I'm glad you were able to go be with her during this difficult time. Of course, Brad and I are praying for you!

Deirdre said...

So, so sorry, Jess. Crawl into that bed and say whatever it is you want/need to say. Sending all my love.

Julie said...

Oh my God. I'm so sorry.

los cazadores said...

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Cindy

stephanie said...

So, so sorry, Jess. Sending you all things positive. Hugs.

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you. There is just no right way to do this and certainly no way is without regret. Sending lots of love. Let us know if there is anything we can do. Love you.
xo,
Kristy

rebekah said...

My heart is so heavy for you. Many of us are helping you carry your pain.

Just talk with her. Talk about whatever you want. And just be. Be with her and let it all in and just be.

I am relieved you'll talk to Julie and Kristy is right, there is no right way and no way without regrets.

hotflawedmama said...

Oh Jess, I am so sorry to read this. I will be praying for you and your family. I have no words for you right now but am sending you hugs most definitely.

Christina said...

There are simply no words. I'm so sorry, Jess. Sending hugs your way.

Calmil2 said...

Oh Jess, I read this last night and couldn't even comment because my eyes filled with tears and my heart with pain. I am so sorry. The part about crawling into bed with her really caught me because my mom and I still do this every time we see each other. So please, crawl in bed with her and hug and cry and say all the "I Love Yous" that you can.
Big Hugs to you and your family.
Harmony

Kari said...

Jess if I could drive there right now and hug you, I would in a heartbeat! My heart is breaking for you right now. I am so sorry. Soak up every second you have right now....climb in bed with your mom and enjoy those moments together.
If you need anything, I am here.

dcaldart said...

Oh Jess, so sorry to read this sad, sad post. Lie next to her. Kiss her cheek. Tell her what you need to tell her. Your family is in my thoughts. {hugs}.